


Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is There

by ShiningBeatyfluff



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dirks a businessman, M/M, Roxy's a housewife
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:33:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6516871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiningBeatyfluff/pseuds/ShiningBeatyfluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk is sick of his life as a desk worker and his wife isn't that into him, but when all hope is lost he gets a fateful call from Jake of State Farms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who was phone???

Roxy was a normal housewife living with her husband Dirk Strider in a lovely houes in the american suberbs. Dirk had a desk job and was generally unhappy with his lifestyle but he had to support his wife who just stayed home and played cvideo gmaes all day while the cleaning lady did actual housewrok

UNTILL one fateful saturday Dirk was home alone cause roxy went out shopping wit da grils. He was watching the BIG GAME when he gets a call from some insurance company  
he picked up the fone

"yo, dis is Dirk"

"Hello this Jake from State farms and i would like to tell u about your insurance options" said the man on the other side of the phone. Dirk was immediately smitten by Jakes slight brittish accent and smooth voice.

"only if you tell me what your wearing haha" replied Dirk

"oh-oh my" studdered Jake from Statefarms.

"haha im sorry for that" dirk said about to hang up the phone

"n-no it's uh, its okay. Um can i get your name so maybe we can further discuss *uh hem* this topic another time." Jake said flitrily

"oh, uh its Dirk Strider" Sai d Drik feeling a bit awkward but this wasnt his first time with men nor was it his first time cheating on Roxy. Though they have been married for a while Roxy and him have never reallyl been that close. THeir families just wanted them together but Drik also suspects that Roxy is cheating on him.

That eveing roxy was still out witht he girsl when dirk recieved another phone call

"Hello Drik" said the sexy low enlish voice

"Jake from statefarms?" Asked Driky jerky

"After 6pm its just jake" the voice grolwed causing dirk to blash.

"oh um okay" Dirk studdered

"we should meat irl lmao" suggest jake

"okay... but wear?" asked Dirk

"Tomoorw my house" Jake mewled as he told dirk his adress and dirk wrote it down in his phone and then shaved his legs to get ready for the big day tomowore.

 

TO B CONTINUED


	2. Ariival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short buildup to th egood shit but not yeet

That evening Dirk put onhis sexiest pair of undies and shaved his face and put on a pair of fresh sunglases,

"were r u goon bb boy!?" stammered Dirks drunken wife with another 2 girls under her arms equally drunk

"just out babe" Dirk replied coldy

"oklmao" sluurd the blonds wife as she left the room to make out with a woman named Jane

Dirk got into his car. he hated it when his wife invited her friends to drink while he was still home. he had allday wile he was @workand she choses a sunday. Drik drove carelsslly 2 the adress given to him by the man on the fone.

He was so exited but also he wus a lil scared caus wat if he was actually a murderer or someting.

once he found the place he wuz impressd it wa sa large mansion with a red sonvertabl in front. Dirk rings the doorble.

A sexy black haired tanned skinned man answers the door, he is wearing a black tanktop and tan bootyshorts.

"oi chip chip cheerio old chum" he says seductively. Dirk already emmassed by arousal by his tantilizing words

"yo, you're uh... Jake... from Statefarms yeah?" He spat, barely able to speak as he admired the other mans incredible legs.

"indubidably" replied the tanktopped man moving aside to invite Drik into his adobe.

"oh thanks"said dirk "you got quite the place"

"why thanks, i feel its the perfect environment for ourn upcoming jiggerypokery" he poked dirks butt when he said pokery causing dirk to chuckle a little before turning around

"so uh, we gonna like go to the bedroom or you wanna do this on the floor or like what?" he saks

"Oh! where hav my manners trodded off 2. Of coutrs foolow me" Jakesaid as he lead Drik to a door. "here iss the bedroom"

He opens the door there is a huge room filled with movie postrs and plants n other natury stuff. his bed is large and has a indeana jones bedsheets  
he takes dirks hand and leads him onto the bed

"r u ready 2 save 100%percent on ass insurance" whispers jake rom statefarms

"oh my god yes" sais dirk taking off his glasses and also his shirt

 

I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP BUT I WILL WRITE AGAIN SOON and then i will finally get to the GOOD STUFF sorry this ended so UBRUPTLY

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading I love you so much <3


End file.
